


exactly what i need

by indefensibleselfindulgence



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-30 10:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19851223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indefensibleselfindulgence/pseuds/indefensibleselfindulgence
Summary: He figures out, somewhat belatedly, that it's idolization.Probably.





	exactly what i need

**Author's Note:**

> fjord, with his imposter syndrome, after listening to caduceus say that he's descended from gods: Great.
> 
> now [ with fanart oh my god ](https://fridaseyebrow.tumblr.com/post/187032214770/based-on-this-super-cute-fjorclay-fic-exactly)

He figures out, somewhat belatedly, that it's idolization.

Probably.

Well, it could be something else, but the thought of that requires some serious introspection he doesn't have time to get into. Or at least that's what he tells himself. Because it's easier than getting into it.

Caduceus stands in the small garden that he and Jester made- he doesn't even know when- whispering to the vines that trail up the side of the house in lazy patterns. He's in his dingy sunhat, the one with the blue ribbon that Jester bought him a million years ago. His tail swishes slowly, almost like he's not paying attention, and why would he be. He's not doing anything out of the usual, no, that's what Fjord's doing.

He doesn't try to conceal his presence, because he's not really doing anything too shady. Just watching his friend garden. That's all. Normal. Normal Fjord behavior.

The realization came over breakfast, when he was the first person down stares but Caduceus has already made everything, and the light from the open windows hit him just right, sort of gray but even in that sort of gray, he stands out like-

Man.

Who does he even talk to about this? Beau? Beau would laugh him out of the room. Caleb? Nott? No, probably not Nott.

“Mr. Fjord.” He doesn't jump. He doesn't. He does something not stupid, like quirk a brow and lean on the side of the house in a way that is very cool and not at all pathetic. “Are you busy?”

Other than the obvious-

“No- Nope. Point me where you need me.”

So he does, and that's how Fjord ends up lugging buckets upon buckets of water after Caduceus and watering random patches of growth. The order seemed entirely random, why water a massive bush of roses when the carrots looked very tiny and sad in the shade.

“It's really appreciated,” Caduceus says at some point, pointing forward towards one of the smaller treas and putting a hand on his shoulder. “I'll be back soon.”

“Where are you going- I mean, not that it matters, but in case I mess up.” Caduceus gives him a slow smile and lets the hand slip away. It's larger than his own, Fjord notices.

“Just the kitchen. You can talk to it if you feel really lonely.”

Yeah, lonely wasn't the problem.

He lugs the bucket over to the tree- a sapling more than anything else, and dumps it over slowly, making sure it sinks into the dirt. As much as this whole gardening thing isn't for him, he's watched Caduceus do it plenty of times (oh he did didn't he) and knew that just upturning it would result in half the water in the grass anyway.

“Hello.” He says, more as a joke than anything else, and after sparing a quick glance up to the balcony to make sure it's empty and Beau wasn't going to die at the sight of him, he sets the bucket down and pats the bark. It's smooth, light wood. There's no sense in trying to remember if he's seen something like it before. His brain isn't for that sort of thing.

“You're- nice.” He says, maybe copying Caduceus' tone more then he would ever want to admit. “Uh-” Gods, every part of this is awkward. When Caduceus does it, it seems so natural. But then Caduceus is from a god, or of a god, or-

He was raised into it. And from it.

Fjord sighs and tries to usher the cold wave of stress away, or at least into a deeper pit in his stomach.

“Your uh- usual gardener is kind of busy right now. I'm sure you'd rather he be talking to you now. His voice is way more calming then mine. Is that- is that something trees are into?”

It's something he's into.

“Don't talk back- I think my heart would just stop if you did. But maybe you'd like that. Corpses are good for plants, right?” He tries to remember Beau's explanation of the graveyard. Caleb said it was pretty, he thinks. “I don't- I don't know.”

He really has no idea what he's doing. Ever. He thought he did, when they were on the seas, and they were chasing his godhood around and playing pirates. Things made sense back then, things were straightforward back then. He had a goal.

“Your life's pretty simple though.” He pats the bark again, awkwardly. “Wish I could sit around all day and do nothing but listen to Cad talk at me.”

“Well, I can put a kettle on if you like.” He doesn't jump, again, for sure, at all.

“I was just-” He shakes his head, laughs, it's forced at best and sounds it too. “Making small talk.”

“That's a useful skill to have.” Caduceus brushes past him, tipping his head just so before kneeling in front of the sapling. “It thinks you're funny.”

“Did-” Fjord stares. “Did it just tell you that?”

“No.” Caduceus smiles over his shoulder, lazy and kind and soft. “That was a joke.” A hand flies to the back of his neck, and he's so sure he's tinting thirty deeper shades of green, so he takes whatever tiny remnant of self respect he still has and turns away. “Are you alright?”

Caduceus has long fingers, he realizes when he feels a palm press against his forehead, which does not help with the blushing situation in the slightest.

“Just the- Just the sun.” He laughs before realizing, somewhat belatedly again, where they are. “Ha-ha.”

“I did make lemonade inside. You might want to go cool off.”

“Mm- yep. Yeah. That would be great.” He steps around the hand and looks at Caduceus who's smiling, practically beaming, which means one of two things, one being that Caduceus can see though his paper-thin lie and is humoring him, or two, that Caduceus honestly believes him and he's just this kind and considerate and at this point Fjord really isn't sure what's worse for his heart in the moment.

“It's on the counter.” He calls as Fjord stumbles out of the small garden.

Thank god the others are at the library or at Essek's or who knows and who cares. He can be alone with his shame.

The lemonade is in a big pitcher, next to a plate of- when did he have time to make cookies- where did he even get the ingredients, with a little note. Caduceus' handwriting is stiff, a bad play at curvy letters just a simple 'Enjoy' with a little doodle of a smiling face next to it.

He doesn't know how to bake or cook or anything really, clearly, but while he scarfs down two cooks and half the pitcher he realizes he should probably learn.

To return the favor.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always encouraged and very very very appreciated
> 
> find me on[ tumblr ](http://iamalivenow.tumblr.com/) and [ twitter](https://twitter.com/licotain)


End file.
